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I have been observing me for a while. There is a recurring cycle of mental states, like the sine waves, with its ups and downs, and there need to be no factor, but the time, for the shift of phases. Some days, I'll be fine, all confident, too much optimism in my head, enjoying everything under the sun, and the next day I am bored to death, roaming around cities or youtubing just for laugh gags and other pranks desperately for something to keep me entertained. Next comes the nocturnal stage, no matter how hard I try, I cant sleep at night, and probably will end up missing classes waking up at noon time. Then comes the period of solitariness, disgusted at people for I don't know what reasons, like I find their presence annoying. Then comes out the angry man in me, all the anger I managed to suppress explodes out. This is where I mess up with people close to me. I go all pessimist at this phase.
I was wondering why I left back so less memories of school life. It seems like I hardly had fun there, being the spoken English leader, betraying my friends to the teacher for not talking in English, and watch them get punished o.o But I was happy, I was least bothered about the enemies I was creating being a pathetic teacher's pet, arrogant with my ignorance. Yet I never regretted then. And here I am blessed with good friends, somehow convinced joy of life is all about friendship, and the little memories we create. I have learnt to be a part of the crowd. And I regret now looking back at the life I wasted then. But something is missing here. Sure, I do have lot of fun, but in the end, I feel that incompleteness all around me. I feel like I don't belong to the crowd, and I go out in these solo expeditions around the city, or just lay down under the bare sky over the water tank, to give some time to myself, to find myself.
I was wondering why I left back so less memories of school life. It seems like I hardly had fun there, being the spoken English leader, betraying my friends to the teacher for not talking in English, and watch them get punished o.o But I was happy, I was least bothered about the enemies I was creating being a pathetic teacher's pet, arrogant with my ignorance. Yet I never regretted then. And here I am blessed with good friends, somehow convinced joy of life is all about friendship, and the little memories we create. I have learnt to be a part of the crowd. And I regret now looking back at the life I wasted then. But something is missing here. Sure, I do have lot of fun, but in the end, I feel that incompleteness all around me. I feel like I don't belong to the crowd, and I go out in these solo expeditions around the city, or just lay down under the bare sky over the water tank, to give some time to myself, to find myself.
Published my second song in soundcloud, it's called Homecoming, and it is about going back to the time to find yourself. https://soundcloud.com/mukhthar-ahmed/homecoming
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