5 reasons.

Going with the trend in social media these days of ‘5 reasons you should marry a Bengali’ or ‘6 reasons you should buy an iPhone 6’, I have decided to come up with my own version of “5 reasons you should choose me over him.” Disclaimer, these are intended at certain people. Don’t try and generalise, and disappoint yourself.

Looks. I won’t even try to sound humble here, I’m definitely sexier than him. He wears big ass sunglasses, so what? I got a balding head and curly beard. Trust me, it’s going to be the new trend. He comes from the rusty old streets of Kochi, I come from Oman, with legacy of Sultans. He shaves, I don’t. It’s up to your taste if you prefer lion or lioness.  Well, a lion with short curly mane, to be precise.

Locational advantage. You know how much your dad would hate to sent you to some far away land in a scary over populated city. Someday, your dad might wake up missing you and wishes to visit you. Think about all the trouble he will have to face, travelling 5 long hours in the ever crowding trains, while he could have you 3 hours close in a serene beach side village. It’s a huge marginal win for me here.

Profession. Imagine, at the end of another tiring day at office, you return home to find some peace and your husband starts whining about semantics and run time errors, how his boolean string doesn’t render the desired output and how his processor runs on an outdated architecture that can’t handle the program load. Meanwhile, you would certainly appreciate if someone understood your worries about ever congesting cities, the vertical and horizontal sprawls and gentrification. And my retire plan includes setting up a ‘dhaba’ kind of multi-cuisine restaurant, and there is a huge scope for ‘butter chicken’ specialists.

Culture. You know how Malabaris are warmer and kinder than the rest of Kerala. Malabar extends from Malappuram to Kasargod, to remind you. He is a product of city. Cold blooded and busy people caught up in a constant run with their life. You will be locked up inside four walls of your flat apartment, with neighbours who will hardly acknowledge your existence. Come to the village. Peaceful, calm and lot of spare time that you can put your nose on neighbour’s matters if you don’t know how to spend your time anymore. At an expert level, you can bitch about the whole village’s affair, and you will still have plenty of time left. And for a company, you will have my sisters at home who wouldn’t miss a chance at gossiping.

Last but not the least, statistics. If census of India 2011 is to be believed, there are 1078 females for every 1000 male in Kerala. Statistically speaking, there is 0.078 probability that a girl will not find a husband, that is 0.078 probability men will have excess choice. Let me spice up a phrase from Coldplay, “Maybe you are a big fish in a small pond.” But baby, I come from the ocean.