Going with the trend in social
media these days of ‘5 reasons you should marry a Bengali’ or ‘6 reasons you
should buy an iPhone 6’, I have decided to come up with my own version of “5
reasons you should choose me over him.” Disclaimer, these are intended at
certain people. Don’t try and generalise, and disappoint yourself.
Looks. I won’t even try to sound
humble here, I’m definitely sexier than him. He wears big ass sunglasses, so
what? I got a balding head and curly beard. Trust me, it’s going to be the new trend.
He comes from the rusty old streets of Kochi, I come from Oman, with legacy of
Sultans. He shaves, I don’t. It’s up to your taste if you prefer lion or
lioness. Well, a lion with short curly
mane, to be precise.
Locational advantage. You know
how much your dad would hate to sent you to some far away land in a scary over
populated city. Someday, your dad might wake up missing you and wishes to visit
you. Think about all the trouble he will have to face, travelling 5 long hours
in the ever crowding trains, while he could have you 3 hours close in a serene beach
side village. It’s a huge marginal win for me here.
Profession. Imagine, at the end
of another tiring day at office, you return home to find some peace and your
husband starts whining about semantics and run time errors, how his boolean
string doesn’t render the desired output and how his processor runs on an
outdated architecture that can’t handle the program load. Meanwhile, you would
certainly appreciate if someone understood your worries about ever congesting
cities, the vertical and horizontal sprawls and gentrification. And my retire
plan includes setting up a ‘dhaba’ kind of multi-cuisine restaurant, and there
is a huge scope for ‘butter chicken’ specialists.
Culture. You know how Malabaris
are warmer and kinder than the rest of Kerala. Malabar extends from Malappuram
to Kasargod, to remind you. He is a product of city. Cold blooded and busy
people caught up in a constant run with their life. You will be locked up
inside four walls of your flat apartment, with neighbours who will hardly
acknowledge your existence. Come to the village. Peaceful, calm and lot of
spare time that you can put your nose on neighbour’s matters if you don’t know
how to spend your time anymore. At an expert level, you can bitch about the
whole village’s affair, and you will still have plenty of time left. And for a company,
you will have my sisters at home who wouldn’t miss a chance at gossiping.
Last but not the least,
statistics. If census of India 2011 is to be believed, there are 1078 females
for every 1000 male in Kerala. Statistically speaking, there is 0.078
probability that a girl will not find a husband, that is 0.078 probability men
will have excess choice. Let me spice up a phrase from Coldplay, “Maybe you are
a big fish in a small pond.” But baby, I come from the ocean.
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